By right, i was not willing to come Singapore. Cos a long journey will make me very tiring. Anyway, i went in.
Reached there, saw every CF member seemed very sian sian one. Sian liao lor, i think. Just sat there for a while, ChiaLing and Enjun came to tell me they want to leave soon. ZZZzzzzzz.. What the heck i come in Singapore?? After that, Enjun told me have Pastor Philip Mantofa's conference tonight, tmr n wed. I guess this is the one reason that i can pursuade myself luckily i come in. Otherwise, Enjun may not tell me this news. And i'll lost a chance again. (Last year i was kinda sad due to i was still having school during the period of A4J.)
Excited. And i told to my mum once i back home. So next day (which is yesterday), my parents n sisters came to join the conference. It was too bad cos the translator unable to translate to mand well. Hence, my parents can't get any things from there.
Today morning, i went to the church again for the discipline's training. Free admission. Surely i won't let the chance go. It taught by Pastor Philip Mantofa. He shared a lot of testimonies. Very very amazing!!!! What i really really feel grateful is i saw the fire of revival start burning in Singapore. Recall back when i just stepped into Singapore, i told the people about revival. They all looked blur. Totally no idea about this. Now, i witness many Singaporeans gather together to cry out for themselves and own country, even foreigners come to pray together too!! It's awesome!!!
Sometimes, i keep controling myself. Why? I seem like crazy over this pastor. But i think his's true heart towards Jesus is a main reason he attracts me. I hope i can have a warm-hearted like him. The fire keep burning and burning. Mug God's words again and again. Stands firm in Christ no matter what. Witness God shows His miracles once again and again. I like to have every single things which is about God. Listen to God, even when He's whispering. Humble and obey God's plan. All of these is what i desire of now. But i know some part of my heart still very dry. Yet i'm finding my water resource.
Every outcomes come from truly desire. God, i really desire you!!!!! I pray i can keep desire you every singel day. My desire never ever paused in this post, is keep continue in my every SINGLE day!!!!
2010年6月23日星期三
2010年6月6日星期日
My home, my country
Most of the Malaysians speak bad about Malaysia after they came to Singapore. When you try to ask them whether they love their country, they always give you a similar answer. "I love my country, but my country doesn't love me." How come?
1. Because they failed to get scholarship but his/her friends whose result worse get it easily.
2. Malaysia's political and social too dark. (If you're Malaysian, surely you know that though you might not have habit of reading newspaper.)
3. Dislike involved in the different race groups. (Perhaps had some bad experience before.)
And many other reasons...
When i just came to Singapore, i was quite sensitive with the words which related to "Malaysia", even now. Mostly i heard is about how bad Malaysia is. Kinda sad, actually. My home country failed to give a good image to foreigners, even those who are Malaysians are still trying persuade foreigners don't go to Malaysia due to there is unsafe place.
Why not we think in another way? We don't ever have any choice to born in which country. Perhaps we can change our nationality when we are adult. But have you try to think deeply about that may have some beautiful reasons why you born in this country? God always done His job with a wonderful reason behind and He won't explain to you why he did that for you.
Usually, our prayer center on ourselves. We request God give us things/results that we want. Blame God, complain everything when our demands never satisfied. But we never ever give a thought that the things that God gives to us is a lesson? We always complain a lot about our country. Why not we pray for our country always? Believe God, He'll transform Malaysia one day? Perhaps God is waiting for Malaysians' cry out for own country!!!!! So don't hestitate or underestimate your prayer. Just cry out once a year better than you never ever do that!!
"Do you love ur home coutry?" Yes, i am. Forever and ever. Though it seems like unlovable now. And i still believe that i'll see the revival in Malaysia one day, now and ever. Because my God is Big Big God!!! :D
1. Because they failed to get scholarship but his/her friends whose result worse get it easily.
2. Malaysia's political and social too dark. (If you're Malaysian, surely you know that though you might not have habit of reading newspaper.)
3. Dislike involved in the different race groups. (Perhaps had some bad experience before.)
And many other reasons...
When i just came to Singapore, i was quite sensitive with the words which related to "Malaysia", even now. Mostly i heard is about how bad Malaysia is. Kinda sad, actually. My home country failed to give a good image to foreigners, even those who are Malaysians are still trying persuade foreigners don't go to Malaysia due to there is unsafe place.
Why not we think in another way? We don't ever have any choice to born in which country. Perhaps we can change our nationality when we are adult. But have you try to think deeply about that may have some beautiful reasons why you born in this country? God always done His job with a wonderful reason behind and He won't explain to you why he did that for you.
Usually, our prayer center on ourselves. We request God give us things/results that we want. Blame God, complain everything when our demands never satisfied. But we never ever give a thought that the things that God gives to us is a lesson? We always complain a lot about our country. Why not we pray for our country always? Believe God, He'll transform Malaysia one day? Perhaps God is waiting for Malaysians' cry out for own country!!!!! So don't hestitate or underestimate your prayer. Just cry out once a year better than you never ever do that!!
"Do you love ur home coutry?" Yes, i am. Forever and ever. Though it seems like unlovable now. And i still believe that i'll see the revival in Malaysia one day, now and ever. Because my God is Big Big God!!! :D
2010年6月5日星期六
Deeply Feel..
It supposed to fill with my complaints again at first. But God is amazing in every time. He let me busy with something to calm down before i have time to post my blog.
I know there has something wrong inside me. Angry? Frustrate? Desperate? Psychological imbalance? I not sure. I just feel something bad inside.
Due to i'm the youngest among them, so that they treat me like a little sister? So they have to tolerate my everything which related to me? Think i should feel grateful for this kind of treatment more than complaint it. Yet i can't get used to it!! In the past, i always be the da-jie-da(leader) like that. In home church, in group, at home, even sometimes in school, i seldom be the smallest. Perhaps God is putting me into this place and let me feel as well?
Honestly, i feel tough in the sharing time. Why? Because everyone share their experience in eng. When is my turn, bro & sis will tell me:"Joyce, you can speak in chinese!". Perhaps i should think in this way, as in they just don't want me become stress? It's just a concern? Actually, i rather have someone give me chance to speak eng and correct me when i'm in wrong in pronounce or what than indulge me. Anyway, i know the day will coming. I believe, God will gives me His beautiful things in His time!!!!
I just realise currently i tend to be a listener than a speaker. In the fellowship, i always be a listener. It's quite tough for me, actually. Cause previously i can just talked talked talked what i wanted to say. Perhaps it's also one of the homework that God give me to learn? It's the time for me learn to quiet? However, in some part of my feeling, i felt that i not really get involved in the fellowship though i joined them to Austin's trip. Our relationship just built in the surface of friendship only and that's all!! Why? Due to time gathering is not enough yet? I'm still waiting for an answer for this................
Anyway, i was glad because
1. Finally, i ate grapes!!! It tastes nice!!!(it had been a long long time since i ate grapes last time)
2. Finally, i went for K!!! Though the people who went with me is not you all..
3. Finally, i went to HARRIS where is located at Tebrau!!!!! If i don't have guitar lesson and not need to be a pianist in service tmr, i know i won't be back with them and stay there till i satisfy. And i hope i have a lot of cash in my hands to buy the books that i want at once. But so sad, too poor recently. Forget it!! ='(
And this journey makes me looking forward to FMC family trip more and more RIGHT NOW!!!!!
*I just realise you're really not my taste.*
I know there has something wrong inside me. Angry? Frustrate? Desperate? Psychological imbalance? I not sure. I just feel something bad inside.
Due to i'm the youngest among them, so that they treat me like a little sister? So they have to tolerate my everything which related to me? Think i should feel grateful for this kind of treatment more than complaint it. Yet i can't get used to it!! In the past, i always be the da-jie-da(leader) like that. In home church, in group, at home, even sometimes in school, i seldom be the smallest. Perhaps God is putting me into this place and let me feel as well?
Honestly, i feel tough in the sharing time. Why? Because everyone share their experience in eng. When is my turn, bro & sis will tell me:"Joyce, you can speak in chinese!". Perhaps i should think in this way, as in they just don't want me become stress? It's just a concern? Actually, i rather have someone give me chance to speak eng and correct me when i'm in wrong in pronounce or what than indulge me. Anyway, i know the day will coming. I believe, God will gives me His beautiful things in His time!!!!
I just realise currently i tend to be a listener than a speaker. In the fellowship, i always be a listener. It's quite tough for me, actually. Cause previously i can just talked talked talked what i wanted to say. Perhaps it's also one of the homework that God give me to learn? It's the time for me learn to quiet? However, in some part of my feeling, i felt that i not really get involved in the fellowship though i joined them to Austin's trip. Our relationship just built in the surface of friendship only and that's all!! Why? Due to time gathering is not enough yet? I'm still waiting for an answer for this................
Anyway, i was glad because
1. Finally, i ate grapes!!! It tastes nice!!!(it had been a long long time since i ate grapes last time)
2. Finally, i went for K!!! Though the people who went with me is not you all..
3. Finally, i went to HARRIS where is located at Tebrau!!!!! If i don't have guitar lesson and not need to be a pianist in service tmr, i know i won't be back with them and stay there till i satisfy. And i hope i have a lot of cash in my hands to buy the books that i want at once. But so sad, too poor recently. Forget it!! ='(
And this journey makes me looking forward to FMC family trip more and more RIGHT NOW!!!!!
*I just realise you're really not my taste.*
2010年5月24日星期一
A lesson
Suddenly feel that someone who really know me had gone.
Suddenly feel that i'm alone all the way.
Wonder why i have this feeling..
At a time, i started dislike him. Hmm, maybe from the time we had dinner? Maybe from the time he did some irritating things? No idea. I just know i have some uncomfortable feeling when i stand on same space, breathing the same air with him.
In some things, i know i'm very independant. I have my own decision and naturally hope everyone will do all the things as i thought. Erm, i admit i'm quite stubborn and proud. (Lord have mercy!! =( ) So when someone is trying against me, i'll feel irritating but i wouldn't show it up and just remain silent.
Perhaps i was biased against him. Perhaps he just wants to warm up the atmosphere. But i can't take it with his joke. At first, i laughed cos i felt it's a good joke. But now, i felt it's lame, really.
I know my condition so i never took over the group leader. I know i can go to catch up to the brother and say "hi" before i went into the room. But not, i never do that cos i can't. Before split into groups, i was praying dun same group with him. So sad i end up same group with him. Perhaps God wants me learn to obey. 100% unwillingly join into the group. I know i can comment, as in elaborating my answer, but i not! I was using a simple way to share my answer (My answer not more than 5 lines).
"Do you have any complain in your ministry?" Yes. I have. Cos this post is fulling with my complains!!! Just now i can't share my answer. But even if i can share, i don't think i'll share it. Perhaps i should put down my bias and using right attitude re-treat him.
可能 或许 我是丑陋的......
GOD HAVE MERCY!!!!!!!
Suddenly feel that i'm alone all the way.
Wonder why i have this feeling..
At a time, i started dislike him. Hmm, maybe from the time we had dinner? Maybe from the time he did some irritating things? No idea. I just know i have some uncomfortable feeling when i stand on same space, breathing the same air with him.
In some things, i know i'm very independant. I have my own decision and naturally hope everyone will do all the things as i thought. Erm, i admit i'm quite stubborn and proud. (Lord have mercy!! =( ) So when someone is trying against me, i'll feel irritating but i wouldn't show it up and just remain silent.
Perhaps i was biased against him. Perhaps he just wants to warm up the atmosphere. But i can't take it with his joke. At first, i laughed cos i felt it's a good joke. But now, i felt it's lame, really.
I know my condition so i never took over the group leader. I know i can go to catch up to the brother and say "hi" before i went into the room. But not, i never do that cos i can't. Before split into groups, i was praying dun same group with him. So sad i end up same group with him. Perhaps God wants me learn to obey. 100% unwillingly join into the group. I know i can comment, as in elaborating my answer, but i not! I was using a simple way to share my answer (My answer not more than 5 lines).
"Do you have any complain in your ministry?" Yes. I have. Cos this post is fulling with my complains!!! Just now i can't share my answer. But even if i can share, i don't think i'll share it. Perhaps i should put down my bias and using right attitude re-treat him.
可能 或许 我是丑陋的......
GOD HAVE MERCY!!!!!!!
2010年4月10日星期六
Who brings me there!?
After CF outing, i supposed to take train back home. Then a voice came to my ears to remind me go cell group which started at 8pm in church. I can reached there in time. But i was not willing to go!! Undoubtedly, i had my excuse that i considered as reasonable and enough to persuade me don't go.
"I'm very tired! And my gum damn pain. I need rest! blah blah blah..!@#$%#@.."
So... i can take bath.. online for a while. At last, go sleep. Yea, that's my plans later.
So i alighted at Eunos. Cos there has direct bus towards to my house. Some more, i take bus concession and i don't want waste it!!
On the bus and began feeling weird. Cos as usual the bus i took always got many passengers. Especially always no seat in this time! How come... Anyway, i have seat is the most important for me right now. So i just enjoyed with myself and had some reflection of my life in the bus(Is my habit).
Gosh.. The bus took me to a unfamiliar place. Read the road sign. Gosh again! I never saw it before. Where i am now???! I pressed the button and get off immediately. Zzzzz, i took wrong bus.. I took bus 61 and actually i had to take bus 67.
Went to the opposite road and supposed to took bus 61 back to the original place. Faint, don't have bus 61?!!! Then i took bus 62 which i not really confirmed with this bus's direction. This bus took me to Aljunied Road(bus stop which located in front of my church)!! I shocked, REALLY!! I end up back to church!!
I get off the bus and go to the cell group eventually. I was still puzzled though i was in the cell group. Who brings me there? God? Guess so.. Amazing, isn't it?
I trust God has His own reason for whatever He had done. So i asked God what He supposed me to learn, to know, to feel..
Fellowship, i think... God showed me that i have commitment in NPCF. In these few days, i was bothered with how to have a good bonding with brothers and sisters through events, how to attract more people come to join the fellowship, and etc.... Meanwhile, i not so active in my church event unless have my "closer friend" accompany me.
How to be my "closer friend"? I guess is quite hard if wanna to be a "closer friend" with me, unless u never give up to talk with me though i din give you too much responses, even shrugged. I not initiative like before. Maybe is the result of my past experiences. I rather choose either let people come to approach with me or i shut myself in a corner. It makes me uncomfortable if i take the initiative. I'll have many thoughts from men when he/she gives me some facial expressions which not as i expected.
So now, i know i ought to have a big breakthrough in this. Maybe i need put some efforts in connecting with people. Hope i can have a good job in Him!!
"I'm very tired! And my gum damn pain. I need rest! blah blah blah..!@#$%#@.."
So... i can take bath.. online for a while. At last, go sleep. Yea, that's my plans later.
So i alighted at Eunos. Cos there has direct bus towards to my house. Some more, i take bus concession and i don't want waste it!!
On the bus and began feeling weird. Cos as usual the bus i took always got many passengers. Especially always no seat in this time! How come... Anyway, i have seat is the most important for me right now. So i just enjoyed with myself and had some reflection of my life in the bus(Is my habit).
Gosh.. The bus took me to a unfamiliar place. Read the road sign. Gosh again! I never saw it before. Where i am now???! I pressed the button and get off immediately. Zzzzz, i took wrong bus.. I took bus 61 and actually i had to take bus 67.
Went to the opposite road and supposed to took bus 61 back to the original place. Faint, don't have bus 61?!!! Then i took bus 62 which i not really confirmed with this bus's direction. This bus took me to Aljunied Road(bus stop which located in front of my church)!! I shocked, REALLY!! I end up back to church!!
I get off the bus and go to the cell group eventually. I was still puzzled though i was in the cell group. Who brings me there? God? Guess so.. Amazing, isn't it?
I trust God has His own reason for whatever He had done. So i asked God what He supposed me to learn, to know, to feel..
Fellowship, i think... God showed me that i have commitment in NPCF. In these few days, i was bothered with how to have a good bonding with brothers and sisters through events, how to attract more people come to join the fellowship, and etc.... Meanwhile, i not so active in my church event unless have my "closer friend" accompany me.
How to be my "closer friend"? I guess is quite hard if wanna to be a "closer friend" with me, unless u never give up to talk with me though i din give you too much responses, even shrugged. I not initiative like before. Maybe is the result of my past experiences. I rather choose either let people come to approach with me or i shut myself in a corner. It makes me uncomfortable if i take the initiative. I'll have many thoughts from men when he/she gives me some facial expressions which not as i expected.
So now, i know i ought to have a big breakthrough in this. Maybe i need put some efforts in connecting with people. Hope i can have a good job in Him!!
2009年12月6日星期日
Answer
2012 视觉不错的电影
看这部电影的当儿 很多反思
在想 这部电影的导演 制作人
是在利用这部电影告诉观众世界正进入末日
世界已经开始败坏 偏向权势与金钱
要悔改 要珍惜自己眼前人
还是就像牧师所说的只为了展现自己的电脑技巧
我看到一半 脑海就突然pop出一个问题
如果有天你眼睁睁的看着一个一个国家开始被毁灭
整个地球都在被不同的方式吞噬
在你很清楚的知道自己所处在的地方也会逃不了死神的魔掌
你会怎样看待这件事??
不知为什么 我第一个答案就是--自杀
因为我觉得等死的过程应该很痛苦
就好象囚犯等待被枪毙的感觉
自杀可能就不用再看到整个世界怎样被毁灭
很悲观 right? 我知道 我也觉得自己神经了 呵呵
过后 Titus弟兄就突然分享一段经节
哥林多后书 6:1-10
我们这些与神同工的,也劝你们不要白受神的恩典.因为他说:"在悦纳的时候,我应允了你;在拯救的日子,我帮助了你."看哪!现在就是悦纳的时候,现在就是拯救的日子.我们凡事都没有妨碍人,不让这职分受到毁谤,反而在各样的事上,表明自己是神的仆人,就如持久的忍耐........借着荣耀和羞辱、坏名声和好名誉.我们好象是骗人的,却是真诚的;好象是人所不知的,却是人所共知的;好象是必死的,你看,我们却是活着的;好象是受惩罚的,却没有处死;好象忧愁,却是常常喜乐的;好象贫穷,却使很多人富足;好像是什么都没有,却是样样都有.
2Corinthians 6:1-10
As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain. For he says,"In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you." I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the time of salvation. We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance.......... through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful,yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possesing everything.
上帝给了我应该有 且合理的答案
上帝的恩典 救恩 我珍惜...
Thanks God!!
看这部电影的当儿 很多反思
在想 这部电影的导演 制作人
是在利用这部电影告诉观众世界正进入末日
世界已经开始败坏 偏向权势与金钱
要悔改 要珍惜自己眼前人
还是就像牧师所说的只为了展现自己的电脑技巧
我看到一半 脑海就突然pop出一个问题
如果有天你眼睁睁的看着一个一个国家开始被毁灭
整个地球都在被不同的方式吞噬
在你很清楚的知道自己所处在的地方也会逃不了死神的魔掌
你会怎样看待这件事??
不知为什么 我第一个答案就是--自杀
因为我觉得等死的过程应该很痛苦
就好象囚犯等待被枪毙的感觉
自杀可能就不用再看到整个世界怎样被毁灭
很悲观 right? 我知道 我也觉得自己神经了 呵呵
过后 Titus弟兄就突然分享一段经节
哥林多后书 6:1-10
我们这些与神同工的,也劝你们不要白受神的恩典.因为他说:"在悦纳的时候,我应允了你;在拯救的日子,我帮助了你."看哪!现在就是悦纳的时候,现在就是拯救的日子.我们凡事都没有妨碍人,不让这职分受到毁谤,反而在各样的事上,表明自己是神的仆人,就如持久的忍耐........借着荣耀和羞辱、坏名声和好名誉.我们好象是骗人的,却是真诚的;好象是人所不知的,却是人所共知的;好象是必死的,你看,我们却是活着的;好象是受惩罚的,却没有处死;好象忧愁,却是常常喜乐的;好象贫穷,却使很多人富足;好像是什么都没有,却是样样都有.
2Corinthians 6:1-10
As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain. For he says,"In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you." I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the time of salvation. We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance.......... through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful,yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possesing everything.
上帝给了我应该有 且合理的答案
上帝的恩典 救恩 我珍惜...
Thanks God!!
2009年11月19日星期四
Jasmine 恭喜恭喜
最后我还是回去马来西亚出席我大妹的颁奖典礼
神恩典 我知道
不过天气 时间 路途
都不断的在神的安排当中
去学校之前 去了一趟咖啡店
送老弟晚餐
吓到 惊讶 心情复杂
不否认我的心跳加速
我看到了他
虽然没转头 背影还是熟悉着
回到辅士学校
军鼓乐队的制服换了
很简单的设计(感觉以前的比较漂亮)
陈纯秀老师 庄芊诗老师还是记得我
聊了一下 问了问大家状况
感觉时间真的很快
转眼间离开母校6年了
可能是我的样子 他们还以为我还在中学 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
老实说 我比较想见到郑清娟老师和陈泽丽老师
我的恩师.........
不过他们都没在那里了
还遇到慧仪哦 一样的cool
远远看去 还以为自己近视加深
等了好久 我妹终于上台拿奖了
手机有点烂 相数没这么好
上台拿奖 不过头没转过来
所以回家再拍
有点伤心
感觉上妹妹在外面的感情好过跟家人
看到妹妹在学校嘴巴没停过
或许该反省反省我这个姐姐在他心里的分量
Anyway
Jasmine, good work!!
继续保持水准 姐姐会再出席你的颁奖典礼的!!!
希望这一次能够在你的学业上有更大的鼓励
期待看到你接下来的成就 加油!!!
神恩典 我知道
不过天气 时间 路途
都不断的在神的安排当中
去学校之前 去了一趟咖啡店
送老弟晚餐
吓到 惊讶 心情复杂
不否认我的心跳加速
我看到了他
虽然没转头 背影还是熟悉着
回到辅士学校
军鼓乐队的制服换了
很简单的设计(感觉以前的比较漂亮)
陈纯秀老师 庄芊诗老师还是记得我
聊了一下 问了问大家状况
感觉时间真的很快
转眼间离开母校6年了
可能是我的样子 他们还以为我还在中学 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
老实说 我比较想见到郑清娟老师和陈泽丽老师
我的恩师.........
不过他们都没在那里了
还遇到慧仪哦 一样的cool
远远看去 还以为自己近视加深
等了好久 我妹终于上台拿奖了
手机有点烂 相数没这么好
上台拿奖 不过头没转过来
所以回家再拍
有点伤心
感觉上妹妹在外面的感情好过跟家人
看到妹妹在学校嘴巴没停过
或许该反省反省我这个姐姐在他心里的分量
Anyway
Jasmine, good work!!
继续保持水准 姐姐会再出席你的颁奖典礼的!!!
希望这一次能够在你的学业上有更大的鼓励
期待看到你接下来的成就 加油!!!
2009年10月30日星期五
Life
Year 2009 almost going to the end
do u have any change in this year?
do u achieve ur target which u'd planned before u started ur 2009's life?
Honestly, my life had a big change
I come to survive in a new life that i never thought, never dreamt before
go through many many things
go through many many feeling
"GIVE UP!! BACK TO M'SIA~"
this sentence came into my mind few times
still wonder how i survive till now
haven't give up eventually, just obey and obey
Is god's grace, i know
Become more emo, no reason, no why
i always shut myself in my own world
remain silent, stop being a clown of the life
Do my true self, my things that i want
Ignore how other look at me
I find out that's a way i can enjoy my life
peace of my mind and rest in Your hands
Natural and unrestrained
and not Joyce who u knew before...
So if u notice that i don't want talk much, please don't force me!!
Thanks~
Since the day of i came here
i realize that actually my adaptability not very well
need a long long time to adapt everything
I thought my tears dried, don't know how to cry already
However i still be a cry baby here, LOL
maybe i haven't find a place where can truely adapt me yet
but is it a excuse to explain my adaptability?
blur-ing also very visible in these days
always outside the situation and stunned there, don't know what's going on
my clumsy always spoil many things, many plans
very depressed and frustrated about it
However i realize that the more i want to make it better, the more i make it worse
Just let it be~~
I also notice that still have many things waiting for me
wait for me to overcome, to learn, to enjoy
Very regret about my slack before
so now, i need to start everything again and catch others as fast as i can
Despite of my tired, i always remind myself to change my view for these "challenging"
Still insist to say "Hallelujah, praise my Lord!" no matter how worse of my life
is tough, but i believe someday i can do it!
2 months more
I want to appreciate those days and enjoy it!
Achieve my target as more as i can
make my life more dramatic!!
Go Go Go!!!!
do u have any change in this year?
do u achieve ur target which u'd planned before u started ur 2009's life?
Honestly, my life had a big change
I come to survive in a new life that i never thought, never dreamt before
go through many many things
go through many many feeling
"GIVE UP!! BACK TO M'SIA~"
this sentence came into my mind few times
still wonder how i survive till now
haven't give up eventually, just obey and obey
Is god's grace, i know
Become more emo, no reason, no why
i always shut myself in my own world
remain silent, stop being a clown of the life
Do my true self, my things that i want
Ignore how other look at me
I find out that's a way i can enjoy my life
peace of my mind and rest in Your hands
Natural and unrestrained
and not Joyce who u knew before...
So if u notice that i don't want talk much, please don't force me!!
Thanks~
Since the day of i came here
i realize that actually my adaptability not very well
need a long long time to adapt everything
I thought my tears dried, don't know how to cry already
However i still be a cry baby here, LOL
maybe i haven't find a place where can truely adapt me yet
but is it a excuse to explain my adaptability?
blur-ing also very visible in these days
always outside the situation and stunned there, don't know what's going on
my clumsy always spoil many things, many plans
very depressed and frustrated about it
However i realize that the more i want to make it better, the more i make it worse
Just let it be~~
I also notice that still have many things waiting for me
wait for me to overcome, to learn, to enjoy
Very regret about my slack before
so now, i need to start everything again and catch others as fast as i can
Despite of my tired, i always remind myself to change my view for these "challenging"
Still insist to say "Hallelujah, praise my Lord!" no matter how worse of my life
is tough, but i believe someday i can do it!
2 months more
I want to appreciate those days and enjoy it!
Achieve my target as more as i can
make my life more dramatic!!
Go Go Go!!!!
2009年8月15日星期六
LEAD my heart
Today i watched a movie -- Fireproof
this movie quite nice
Before this
i just know follow my heart
The people asked me why you choose study in Singapore
i didn't said anything
just said: don't know.. i just follow my heart
i confess i always follow my heart
when i decide something
when i do a thing
when i wanna go somewhere
always and almost all the time
After i watched this movie
i just realise that NOT follow your heart
is LEAD your heart
it's because sometimes heart will do wrong thing
if you always follow your heart
maybe will allow some parasite go into your life
So, from now
i want to learn LEAD my heart
such like i LEAD my life!!
i know i can do it
and with God's grace
i can do it until 100 perfect!
Gambateh~~
this movie quite nice
Before this
i just know follow my heart
The people asked me why you choose study in Singapore
i didn't said anything
just said: don't know.. i just follow my heart
i confess i always follow my heart
when i decide something
when i do a thing
when i wanna go somewhere
always and almost all the time
After i watched this movie
i just realise that NOT follow your heart
is LEAD your heart
it's because sometimes heart will do wrong thing
if you always follow your heart
maybe will allow some parasite go into your life
So, from now
i want to learn LEAD my heart
such like i LEAD my life!!
i know i can do it
and with God's grace
i can do it until 100 perfect!
Gambateh~~
2009年7月7日星期二
你的爱
这首歌的歌词
激发了我一些思想
从我一进新加坡之后
生活就只能靠上帝了
他的存在开始在我的生命渐渐重要
更是让我有毅力留下来顺服他的力量
上帝
是我的好朋友
是我的安慰者
喜悦时 起分享
伤心时 他擦干我眼泪
不顺时 他听我牢骚
缺乏时 他供应我
挫败时 他安慰我
低落时 他让我看到生命曙光
有时
好想找人听我倾诉
感觉没什么人选
也不敢打扰人
有对象可以倾诉时
又会觉得对方无法了解我的感受 我的心情
只是最多给给鼓励
我想对方也很无奈吧
可是
我不需任何言语 上帝就能明白
最多给我哭哭一个晚上
第二天 smile又回到我的脸上了
本能上 我相信自己没办法这么快复原
可是 我就这样办到了
得了又失 失了又得
我还能失去上帝多少,
这么幸运的得回几次？
不了 我不了
放弃自己生活的某样东西 我想或许我不会后悔
可是如果我放弃了这个福分 这辈子我一定后悔定了
感谢主
在我身上的美好计划
为我生命布下了许多色彩
我如此的不配
你却看我为宝贝
I love U, Lord!!
2009年6月16日星期二
榴莲季节
从小
不知是我懒
还是我的学习能力慢
很多东西都学比人家慢一截
上了小学三年级
我还不懂
哪只是左手
哪只是右手
小我几年的弟都懂了
所以那时的我有点小自卑
至今我妈还不懂这件事
那时
榴莲季节 我也不懂
虽然说小学作文会有什么榴莲季节的题目
不过
我只懂365天的其中几天老爸会去买榴莲
那时爸妈一定会回我的家乡—新邦令金
我二婶旧家附近有户人家卖榴莲
那时我爸妈都很喜欢跟那里的uncle买
那个uncle好像是我公公的朋友
他会打折
而且还会特地选好种榴莲给我们
所以那时我爸妈都是买超大袋
每次我爸妈在买的时候
我们三兄弟姐妹和两个堂弟
这些小孩子都会在那里附近玩
踏脚车 找人吵架 捉迷藏 赛跑 抓动物玩
就好像kampung小孩这样
榴莲回来的时候
就会很大声地喊：有榴莲吃了
就连吃时嘴巴还是不会停
一边吃 一边讲话 一起笑
渐渐的
这些也只是停留在我脑海里的黑白化影
那uncle没卖榴莲了
我二婶也搬家了
现在的我开始记得这个季节了
这个季节不只有我童年的时光
也有我青春的成长足迹
去年的这个时候
是那时的我觉得最幸福的时候
那时的我
也是吱喳的吃着榴莲
只是心中带着了青春的羞涩^^
不说啦
榴莲香又飘进我的鼻了
我爸又开榴莲了
我又要食指大动咯
不知是我懒
还是我的学习能力慢
很多东西都学比人家慢一截
上了小学三年级
我还不懂
哪只是左手
哪只是右手
小我几年的弟都懂了
所以那时的我有点小自卑
至今我妈还不懂这件事
那时
榴莲季节 我也不懂
虽然说小学作文会有什么榴莲季节的题目
不过
我只懂365天的其中几天老爸会去买榴莲
那时爸妈一定会回我的家乡—新邦令金
我二婶旧家附近有户人家卖榴莲
那时我爸妈都很喜欢跟那里的uncle买
那个uncle好像是我公公的朋友
他会打折
而且还会特地选好种榴莲给我们
所以那时我爸妈都是买超大袋
每次我爸妈在买的时候
我们三兄弟姐妹和两个堂弟
这些小孩子都会在那里附近玩
踏脚车 找人吵架 捉迷藏 赛跑 抓动物玩
就好像kampung小孩这样
榴莲回来的时候
就会很大声地喊：有榴莲吃了
就连吃时嘴巴还是不会停
一边吃 一边讲话 一起笑
渐渐的
这些也只是停留在我脑海里的黑白化影
那uncle没卖榴莲了
我二婶也搬家了
现在的我开始记得这个季节了
这个季节不只有我童年的时光
也有我青春的成长足迹
去年的这个时候
是那时的我觉得最幸福的时候
那时的我
也是吱喳的吃着榴莲
只是心中带着了青春的羞涩^^
不说啦
榴莲香又飘进我的鼻了
我爸又开榴莲了
我又要食指大动咯
2009年5月22日星期五
十八
正式进入十八
看电影 唱k
不再有学生优惠
十八姑娘一朵花
人家说
进入十八
就是进入新的生命旅程
暮然回首
发现自己经历了好多事
也正在经历了好多事
成长了不少
但也还在成长
十八的我
会怎样继续的彩绘自己的天空呢
充满期待
今年的生日
没什么期待会有人帮我庆生
或许
收到祝福是我最大的礼物了吧
多么简单的一句話 Happy Birthday
多么平凡的一句話 Happy Birthday
我就这样轻声地对自己说
Happy Birthday to me...
看电影 唱k
不再有学生优惠
十八姑娘一朵花
人家说
进入十八
就是进入新的生命旅程
暮然回首
发现自己经历了好多事
也正在经历了好多事
成长了不少
但也还在成长
十八的我
会怎样继续的彩绘自己的天空呢
充满期待
今年的生日
没什么期待会有人帮我庆生
或许
收到祝福是我最大的礼物了吧
多么简单的一句話 Happy Birthday
多么平凡的一句話 Happy Birthday
我就这样轻声地对自己说
Happy Birthday to me...
2009年4月27日星期一
生活心声
虽然说已经开学了一个礼拜
可是今天开始
才算是真正上课了
老师开始没有像之前酱仁慈了
开始一大堆条件劈里啪啦的讲出来
第一次出去presentation
因为班上除了我之外
其余都是新加坡环境成长
所以他们讲英文就像我讲华语一样
好像可以不用头脑过滤下就可以讲到七哩八远的
虽然只是要我present about myself
but我还是很压力
手脚发冷
好不容易到我
我草草把自己的东西讲完
感觉很逊
唯一我觉得perfect的只有我做得slide show
接下来的lesson
因为我昨晚很迟睡
今天很早起身就去新加坡了
睡不够
结果听到眼睛差不多要盖了
真的有心无力
有没有听得懂我不是很清楚
只懂自己很恍神
不过有堂课我真得很了解
因为之前Add & Modern Math学过
过后开始我的CCA--christian fellowship
还不错啦
讲华语的
只是感觉四周都是中国人
真得很想放弃
这里的生活我不知道还能tahan到几时
真得很辛苦 很想哭
我一直在别人面前保持自己最坚强的一面
可是我真的真得很想逃
我知道很多东西不能急
but我在这里我的挫败感真的很大
我每天都好羡慕他们有共同的语言
虽然他们不怎么排挤我了
但是我始终渐渐自卑了
真的真的好想尽快融入他们的世界
可是今天开始
才算是真正上课了
老师开始没有像之前酱仁慈了
开始一大堆条件劈里啪啦的讲出来
第一次出去presentation
因为班上除了我之外
其余都是新加坡环境成长
所以他们讲英文就像我讲华语一样
好像可以不用头脑过滤下就可以讲到七哩八远的
虽然只是要我present about myself
but我还是很压力
手脚发冷
好不容易到我
我草草把自己的东西讲完
感觉很逊
唯一我觉得perfect的只有我做得slide show
接下来的lesson
因为我昨晚很迟睡
今天很早起身就去新加坡了
睡不够
结果听到眼睛差不多要盖了
真的有心无力
有没有听得懂我不是很清楚
只懂自己很恍神
不过有堂课我真得很了解
因为之前Add & Modern Math学过
过后开始我的CCA--christian fellowship
还不错啦
讲华语的
只是感觉四周都是中国人
真得很想放弃
这里的生活我不知道还能tahan到几时
真得很辛苦 很想哭
我一直在别人面前保持自己最坚强的一面
可是我真的真得很想逃
我知道很多东西不能急
but我在这里我的挫败感真的很大
我每天都好羡慕他们有共同的语言
虽然他们不怎么排挤我了
但是我始终渐渐自卑了
真的真的好想尽快融入他们的世界
2009年4月26日星期日
他
走回曾经一起走过的路
看回曾经一起看过的海
听回曾经一起听过的歌
曾经以为自己会走不出来
曾经以为自己输了
之所以不甘心
一直为自己 为他 为事情经过
找了好多好多借口
反复回想
不可能 不可能 不可能
根本就没有合理的理由
要我接受这样的事实
跟上帝埋怨了好多
一直告诉上帝 别人自己很不服气
有个哥哥告诉我
如果自己活得好 活得比他幸福
你就自动是个赢家
或许吧
在一个超乎我想象的速度下放下了
过回平常的生活
也找回了自己
对他一切的事不产兴趣了
可是
前几天
风声回来了
不是我刻意打听
是偶然听到
不知道
他现在的结果
是种对他的惩罚吗
不敢说他是否真得很enjoy他目前生活
我只敢说我真心希望他回归正路
真的找到幸福快乐
明白‘爱’的定义
不会联络回他
只因为我知道一切已经足够了
看回曾经一起看过的海
听回曾经一起听过的歌
曾经以为自己会走不出来
曾经以为自己输了
之所以不甘心
一直为自己 为他 为事情经过
找了好多好多借口
反复回想
不可能 不可能 不可能
根本就没有合理的理由
要我接受这样的事实
跟上帝埋怨了好多
一直告诉上帝 别人自己很不服气
有个哥哥告诉我
如果自己活得好 活得比他幸福
你就自动是个赢家
或许吧
在一个超乎我想象的速度下放下了
过回平常的生活
也找回了自己
对他一切的事不产兴趣了
可是
前几天
风声回来了
不是我刻意打听
是偶然听到
不知道
他现在的结果
是种对他的惩罚吗
不敢说他是否真得很enjoy他目前生活
我只敢说我真心希望他回归正路
真的找到幸福快乐
明白‘爱’的定义
不会联络回他
只因为我知道一切已经足够了
大玩笑
今天上帝跟我开了一个很大大大的玩笑
让我有点接不住
今天没上课
很想家
所以计划回家
十点出去和大姑见面
去银行弄laptop loan的手续
准备回家的时候
公公打来说家里着火了
哇赛
衰！！！
还好那时爸爸有过来找我
准备带我去woodland checkpoint
所以我和大姑坐爸爸的罗里赶回家
楼下
看到消防车 警察车
傻了
赶快冲去八楼
现场被封锁
那时只有房客在家
不过幸好没有人有事
我头脑第一个想到只有我的衣服 laptop
衣服新买 laptop还跟学校借的
烧完 真的什么都完了
现场也有记者
不知道我会不会上报
哈哈
警方调查了很久
他们不确定起火原因
因为是厕所开始起火
里面没有什么易燃物
而且也没有开电什么的
所以他们也只是告诉我们可能是热水器走火
过后进去
衣服黑完了
也不能穿了
厕所不见了
整间屋子乌烟瘴气
帮公公洗房子
洗了好久
超累的
一边洗 一边想赶快回家
不知道如果我真的很早就回了
公公要怎样收这个房子
一直听到他的叹气声
看到他的手拼命搓
相信他真的很怕
总觉得一切很凑巧
不埋怨什么
只相信美意其中
可能上帝在磨炼我什么吧
让我有点接不住
今天没上课
很想家
所以计划回家
十点出去和大姑见面
去银行弄laptop loan的手续
准备回家的时候
公公打来说家里着火了
哇赛
衰！！！
还好那时爸爸有过来找我
准备带我去woodland checkpoint
所以我和大姑坐爸爸的罗里赶回家
楼下
看到消防车 警察车
傻了
赶快冲去八楼
现场被封锁
那时只有房客在家
不过幸好没有人有事
我头脑第一个想到只有我的衣服 laptop
衣服新买 laptop还跟学校借的
烧完 真的什么都完了
现场也有记者
不知道我会不会上报
哈哈
警方调查了很久
他们不确定起火原因
因为是厕所开始起火
里面没有什么易燃物
而且也没有开电什么的
所以他们也只是告诉我们可能是热水器走火
过后进去
衣服黑完了
也不能穿了
厕所不见了
整间屋子乌烟瘴气
帮公公洗房子
洗了好久
超累的
一边洗 一边想赶快回家
不知道如果我真的很早就回了
公公要怎样收这个房子
一直听到他的叹气声
看到他的手拼命搓
相信他真的很怕
总觉得一切很凑巧
不埋怨什么
只相信美意其中
可能上帝在磨炼我什么吧
2009年4月3日星期五
勇敢
有点佩服自己的胆识
今天去做体检（为了学校）
验血 量血压 x-ray
很久没有打针的我
看到那支针筒
心跳超快的
因为很快就到我抽血
所以向来慢冷的我还没手脚发冷就被叫了
针还没打下去 开始有点畏缩
只差没喊出来
那个负责抽血的护士
根本就没什么rasa
针快快的进 快快的出
超恶 超恐怖的
整个体检只有我一个人
没有人陪我
有点怕
毕竟陌生环境
也开始要学习独立
顺便考考自己的english listening skill
本来是要等我爸放工坐他摩托回家
不过自己有点累
想早点回家
所以我爸放我在兀兰
然后自己走路过kastam
哈哈
不错的体验
虽然一点方向感都没有
傻傻的跟着别人屁股走
而且还出丑了几次（自己回想还觉得好笑）
整个行程差不多半小时
算起来满快的
而且我爸说过kastam要给关卡费
可是我根本就半毛钱都没给到
就这样走来马来西亚了
哈哈
感觉自己勇气好大
之前还很依赖
进个kastam都怕到要命
而且现在进kastam 走路 坐车 摩托 都试过了
每个感觉是不一样的咯
有机会姐妹去试试看吧
今天
其实发生了不少事
要写都不懂要怎样下手去写
不过真的让我领悟到
很多东西我们外表看好像不好的
可是上帝就是喜欢把我们放在这样的环境里面
不是因为他要折磨我们
而是他其中的美意正在后面等着我们呢！
今天去做体检（为了学校）
验血 量血压 x-ray
很久没有打针的我
看到那支针筒
心跳超快的
因为很快就到我抽血
所以向来慢冷的我还没手脚发冷就被叫了
针还没打下去 开始有点畏缩
只差没喊出来
那个负责抽血的护士
根本就没什么rasa
针快快的进 快快的出
超恶 超恐怖的
整个体检只有我一个人
没有人陪我
有点怕
毕竟陌生环境
也开始要学习独立
顺便考考自己的english listening skill
本来是要等我爸放工坐他摩托回家
不过自己有点累
想早点回家
所以我爸放我在兀兰
然后自己走路过kastam
哈哈
不错的体验
虽然一点方向感都没有
傻傻的跟着别人屁股走
而且还出丑了几次（自己回想还觉得好笑）
整个行程差不多半小时
算起来满快的
而且我爸说过kastam要给关卡费
可是我根本就半毛钱都没给到
就这样走来马来西亚了
哈哈
感觉自己勇气好大
之前还很依赖
进个kastam都怕到要命
而且现在进kastam 走路 坐车 摩托 都试过了
每个感觉是不一样的咯
有机会姐妹去试试看吧
今天
其实发生了不少事
要写都不懂要怎样下手去写
不过真的让我领悟到
很多东西我们外表看好像不好的
可是上帝就是喜欢把我们放在这样的环境里面
不是因为他要折磨我们
而是他其中的美意正在后面等着我们呢！
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