Deeply Feel..

It supposed to fill with my complaints again at first. But God is amazing in every time. He let me busy with something to calm down before i have time to post my blog.

I know there has something wrong inside me. Angry? Frustrate? Desperate? Psychological imbalance? I not sure. I just feel something bad inside.

Due to i'm the youngest among them, so that they treat me like a little sister? So they have to tolerate my everything which related to me? Think i should feel grateful for this kind of treatment more than complaint it. Yet i can't get used to it!! In the past, i always be the da-jie-da(leader) like that. In home church, in group, at home, even sometimes in school, i seldom be the smallest. Perhaps God is putting me into this place and let me feel as well?

Honestly, i feel tough in the sharing time. Why? Because everyone share their experience in eng. When is my turn, bro & sis will tell me:"Joyce, you can speak in chinese!". Perhaps i should think in this way, as in they just don't want me become stress? It's just a concern? Actually, i rather have someone give me chance to speak eng and correct me when i'm in wrong in pronounce or what than indulge me. Anyway, i know the day will coming. I believe, God will gives me His beautiful things in His time!!!!

I just realise currently i tend to be a listener than a speaker. In the fellowship, i always be a listener. It's quite tough for me, actually. Cause previously i can just talked talked talked what i wanted to say. Perhaps it's also one of the homework that God give me to learn? It's the time for me learn to quiet? However, in some part of my feeling, i felt that i not really get involved in the fellowship though i joined them to Austin's trip. Our relationship just built in the surface of friendship only and that's all!! Why? Due to time gathering is not enough yet? I'm still waiting for an answer for this................

Anyway, i was glad because
1. Finally, i ate grapes!!! It tastes nice!!!(it had been a long long time since i ate grapes last time)
2. Finally, i went for K!!! Though the people who went with me is not you all..
3. Finally, i went to HARRIS where is located at Tebrau!!!!! If i don't have guitar lesson and not need to be a pianist in service tmr, i know i won't be back with them and stay there till i satisfy. And i hope i have a lot of cash in my hands to buy the books that i want at once. But so sad, too poor recently. Forget it!! ='(

And this journey makes me looking forward to FMC family trip more and more RIGHT NOW!!!!!

*I just realise you're really not my taste.*