Random

始终没变 始终如一
一样的态度 一样的语气

或许信心不大吧
才用这样的方式自我鉴定

我只会和别人一样
一切当着笑话看
笑了笑 一切就随风而去

妈妈说 我这次回来好像变了另个人了
或许最近发生很多事吧
也承认自己在思想上改变了很多
不过仍相信 时间到了 一切始终会回到原点

I ♥ U

I'm glad i have such a good God

Enjun sister send a msg to me just now
She share God's word to me
2Cor 4:8-9 -- We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
哥林多后书 4:8-9 -- 我们虽然四面受压,却没有压碎;心里作难,却不至绝望,受到迫害,却没有被丢弃;打倒了,却不至死亡.

From this sharing, i know God has answer my prayer alrdy
I didn't share my problem that i'm facing now to enjun sis
but i know it may in God's plan

I also like she said that
"Situation may be difficult in life now. But thanks God, know that in Him, you may be down, but you are never out because He will deliver you. Wait for God's action, HE NEVER FAIL! "
I appreciate this word..
it actually encourage me a lot a lot

When i shout to God "Where are You?"
He answer me "I'm here" softly
I can listen it once my mind and heart peaceful
just bow down and surrender myself
Everything in His plan
Everything He care
He'll take action in it!!!!

2Cor 4:16-17 -- Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are bein renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
哥林多后书 4:16-17 -- 所以我们并不沮丧,我们外面的人虽然渐渐败坏,但里面的人却日日更新,因为我们短暂轻微的患难,是要为我们成就极大无比,永远的荣耀.

AMEN AMEN!
I LOVE YOU DEEPLY AND THANK FOR LOVING ME TOO!!!

Jazz

石头越来越重
一路从公园跑回家 尽我所能以最快的速度跑
仿佛我这样跑 那块石头会在我到家前被我甩在路边

Jazz Jazz Jazz..
I really put a lot of effort and try my best to dance it well
but it look like wasted
Just because i absent 3 times when their rehearsal
So they think i'm not serious..

before rehearsal
have a short briefing

我穿好表演的服装走出来 senior就很酸很酸的说:
"你看你之前没来 所以irene把你弄成这样
等下我们要好好看你怎样表演"
我一笑置之 当作他华文不好
用不对词 才会感觉听起来很难听

开始彩排 Jazz是最后第3项节目
还没上去跳 我的高跟鞋就坏了
勉强穿Ailin的 很大双 脚一踢就会飞掉那种

上台 心理压力很大 信心少了三分之二 再加上脚上的鞋
整个舞蹈慢了人家半拍
还没结束 就开始做好心理准备
因为我知道等下senior、老师给feedback时肯定会中shoot

没想到我的心理准备还是不够接老师和senior的招
我可以接受善意批评 但是很over
老实说 我介意老师说的几句话:
"你这样的跳法根本就在降低其他人的水准"
"如果这只舞蹈不漂亮 你要知道你得负起很大的责任"
"所以我之前就跟irene他们说过了 你们怎么这么大胆 冒这么大的风险让Joyce参与你们的舞蹈?"
这几句话不断在我耳边回旋

我介意 真的很介意
如果是这样 当初你看到我在开始练这个舞蹈的时候
就不应该笑笑的对我说"你参加这只舞啊? 很好"
你应该就要坦白告诉我 我不适合!!
再不然就直接告诉我如果你要quit就直接quit 不要拖泥带水
你现在这样来说我 只会让我感觉你已经做好准备看我笑话!!!!!!

之前是因为朋友才加入这只舞
现在已演变成一种责任

I cry.. i go to toilet and start crying
When i back home, i lock myself in room and start crying again

Anabelle知道我不对经 但我理所当然地说我okay
我不笑不说话 静静一个人走
我不笑 只因为如果我笑只让我觉我很假 很恶心
我静静不说话 因为很多声音意念在我里面 再说话只让我觉得很吵很烦

Should i insist in my decision and give up everything even Jazz
or i should responsible to continue my practice and perform it next Sat??
God, where are You??
I need a pair of ears!!!
and have someone tell what should i do??

Slack

Recently, just wanna slack
don't know why
no mood to do anything
many plans ruinned

keep sleeping sleeping
still feel tired even though i have sleep many hours alrdy
maybe weather too cool
Every night i can have a deep deep and sweet sweet sleep

Today i late to school
because i just realise i forget to bring my ez-link card when i board in bus
the worst thing is i don't have syiling, smallest note in my wallet is $10
luckily the driver say never mind and let me alight at next bus stop
and then i forced to walk back home to get ez-link card RAWR

Take mrt to Clementi
i thought i can rush to school on time
at last, still failed
i alight train at dover station
but 74 bus very slow
make me panic sia.....

At last
jiafeng, siying and siti also late go in to class because of waiting for me
kinda paiseh
Mr.Chang very nice
he never mark us late although we late to class 30mins alrdy
and just ask me don't repeat it again after i explain the whole thing to him

In class, i try to concentrate
but can't... don't know why
i also lack of interest in playing stock again since my stock keep dropped
gladly that it just a game, not using my $$$ ='(

Dance Dance Dance
Jazz Jazz Jazz
keep rush into my mind
tommorow have rehearsal again
they give me warning alrdy since i didn't attend the rehearsal a couple of times
i tell myself is my LAST LAST LAST.........

Tommorow my aunt and cousin take flight to Shanghai
stay at there around 1 week
maybe my life can have some peace
I may looking forward of it..

My backache again.....

Jasmine 恭喜恭喜

最后我还是回去马来西亚出席我大妹的颁奖典礼
神恩典 我知道
不过天气 时间 路途
都不断的在神的安排当中

去学校之前 去了一趟咖啡店
送老弟晚餐
吓到 惊讶 心情复杂
不否认我的心跳加速
我看到了他
虽然没转头 背影还是熟悉着

回到辅士学校
军鼓乐队的制服换了
很简单的设计(感觉以前的比较漂亮)

陈纯秀老师 庄芊诗老师还是记得我
聊了一下 问了问大家状况
感觉时间真的很快
转眼间离开母校6年了
可能是我的样子 他们还以为我还在中学 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

老实说 我比较想见到郑清娟老师和陈泽丽老师
我的恩师.........
不过他们都没在那里了

还遇到慧仪哦 一样的cool
远远看去 还以为自己近视加深

等了好久 我妹终于上台拿奖了
手机有点烂 相数没这么好

上台拿奖 不过头没转过来


所以回家再拍






有点伤心
感觉上妹妹在外面的感情好过跟家人
看到妹妹在学校嘴巴没停过
或许该反省反省我这个姐姐在他心里的分量

Anyway
Jasmine, good work!!
继续保持水准 姐姐会再出席你的颁奖典礼的!!!
希望这一次能够在你的学业上有更大的鼓励
期待看到你接下来的成就 加油!!!

Random

COMM TOOL
虽然说 我可能会因为这堂课英文进步
却是我压力蛮不错大的一堂课
幸好还有Siying陪我

今天又是individual presenatation
老师现场给题目
15分钟时间research

research我当然是最厉害的啦
就一直google google罢了
找到的资料蛮不错多

等待被叫出去present的时刻还是一样的难熬
而且老师是照着名单顺序叫
我名字开头是S 当然很后面
可是我又不敢volunteer先出去讲话

我身体在发抖 牙齿在打架 声音在颤抖
抖到可不是假的 还带夸张式
不懂是紧张过头 还是课室冷气开太大
我还跑去厕所喘大气 开声练自己的稿

再加上老师两次的训
一次是老师叫我给classmate feedback
因为我和一个男生的看法一样
我就很简单的指着那个男生 说"Yea, same!"
结果中shoot
老师讲我和他不可能一样 死要我讲我的feedback
另外一次是我和Siying在breaktime聊天讲华语
老师突然又在旁插嘴"Speak English"
Oh my gosh.....

好不容易到我了
Yeah!!老师和给我的feedback的人说我有进步
比上一次说得还更好 资料也找到不错 简单易懂
果然 付出没白费

COMM TOOL后去dance
好不容易把整支Jazz学完了
只是偶尔会忘记step
要好好表演这一场
为自己化上完美的句号

明天不懂该去哪里
同时dance rehearsal,Christian fellowship和我大妹的颁奖典礼
上星期六没去rehearse,senior很生气了
Christian Fellowship和Eng Service联合 有点想念那里的弟兄姐妹
我大妹好不容易拿到全级11名 有机会上台拿奖
之前还答应他了 看到万分期待的表情 有点不想扫他的兴
三样看似同等重量 不知该选哪个
总会对其中两方不公平
真希望有人能够为我抓主意

最近 开始学玩股票
课程需要 再加上不是真钱玩
乱乱下注 看它起起落落 蛮好玩的

背后又开始作怪了 时不时在痛
希望这段黑暗日子赶快过去

窒息

我的软弱
再一次把我淹没 让我窒息了

假装坚强
久了会不会开始慢慢习惯转化为真坚强

放下谦卑自己
慢慢演变成连尊严都不顾了
被人糟蹋了
还告诉自己不想惹这么多事而不啃声
这样的自己算正常吗

尝试了两次 结果还是一样
上次还有人帮我解决
这次要自己解决了
不知自己是否又会再一次被软下心 绝情不起
不过还是告诉自己
永远都不会再踏入这个世界

心情好的时候
不管什么音乐都是悦耳的
没有心情时 音符开始和心中的杂音跳跃着
好想捂着耳朵 关上眼睛
什么都没听见 什么都没看到

阿爸父

我好爱我的阿爸父
刚才搭巴士回家
在巴士突然嗅到KFC的味道
很香 突然让我有冲动想吃炸鸡
不过最后因为省钱 逼自己打消念头
结果回到家 我傻了
就这么巧 我公公刚好炸很多只炸鸡
我的天啊
虽然冷掉不脆了
不过想到这就是一种恩典 就觉得这些炸鸡很好吃
吃在口里 甜在心里 呵呵呵呵

本来明天的时间是超满的
上完课 就去洗车 洗完就喝绍菁姐会面吃晚餐 过后去SP的布道会服侍
忙到晚上9点多 non stop
刚突然收到绍菁姐的信息 她不得空
我想这应该是上帝的安排吧 希望我在布道会前好好预备自己
希望明天的布道会能够很顺利进行
一切交给神；荣耀归给你!!

最近自己又回去跳舞了
也会在28号表演Jazz dance
回家路上有种空虚的感觉
思绪乱糟糟 心情更沉进谷底
好像我不再是我 不喜欢这样的自己

我脸上没什么 不代表就是如此
我宁可走进自己的世界 也不要进入那不能接受我的世界
那种眼光 气氛 证明了有些事实是应该面对接受的
我不想继续在私底下拼命挣扎 不断呐喊自己的无能
我只想相信我作的决定会是你应许我作的事

Never Let You Go

The rain, just never seems to bring
the joy, I feel the same
everlasting pain of my loss remains
My heart, can't seem to learn to part
the hold you left the mark
all that I dreamed of now it seems so stark
Tho I told myself won't hold my breath
a part of me was dying
there is nothing left for me to do now, but give in

If you gave me, one more chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would sing to you and tell you I won't live my life without you
If you gave me, one more chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes and ya know,
I'd never let you go

The way, you left me on the train
I don't know what to say
I remember everything on that day
I can't believe we'd never dance
I just need one more chance
to share the sunset our one last romance
Tho I told myself won't hold my breath
a part of me was dying
there is nothing left for me to do now, but give in

驾车经验

终于 我妈妈教我驾车了
要求了很久 这个诺言总算实践了

妈妈和小妹真的很伟大哦
他们把性命都交在我的手上(看了接下来的故事,你就会点头赞成,哈哈)

刚开始妈妈跟我解释了很久
让我有点迫不及待想坐上司机的位子

刚开始 我的脚很不灵活
妈妈在旁边也为我捏了一大把冷汗
一直喊"踩油","放油","踩牙","放牙","慢一点","不要这么快"
喊喊一下 字也变少了 "油..油","牙..牙","慢..慢..","啊啊啊....."

之前笑诗萍 结果也差点驾上去盾
不过是差点 没有真的上去 哈哈
不过在那差点 那几秒之间
我的脚都被打乱了 头脑也乱了
乱乱踩 结果幸好及时踩到brake

学不到一下 妈妈觉得路太短
就到处找新花园--Bandar Baru Kangkar Pulai
新花园 还为开辟完 车又少 所以成了我的学车路线
在那里练了很久 那里的guard一直看我们这辆车绕来绕去
我慢慢学从1号牙 进到2号牙 再进到3号牙
我抓驾驶盘抓到超紧的 因为紧张肩膀都僵硬掉
眼球转 看后镜 头都不敢乱乱转(应该说都没转)
尝试尽量把车都驾在左边的路线
新手关系 有点抓不到自己是否有驾歪

过后越驾越顺 妈妈就开始教我U-turn
那里差点出人命
因为还控制不到驾驶盘 不懂应该转到多少
我突然转太多 再加上因为紧张把脚下的油踩多了
感觉整个人都要被抛出去了(当时没绑安全带)
还有一次是因为转不够 差点把车驾进山路了
无知的妹妹不懂发生了什么事 我和妈妈就一直在笑
哈哈 还真是惊险

练了差不多一小时 我的训练到了一段落
开始期待下一次的训练...........

Stalker

I'm a STALKER
Maybe influenced by Pris
Wakakakaka....

Because i took a nap just now
dreamt i gathered with my primary friends again
very happy....
That's why I sudden go to stalk my primary friends' blog
and save their blog address in my blog
so i can visit their blog once they update their blog

kinda envy that they still contact with each other
still very close after they graduate from primary sch
I just gathered with them when Form 1
after that, we all lost contact
until now, contact again via facebook
but just accept and simply say "Hi, how are you?"
maybe feel strange with each other
maybe feel no common talk with each other

或许我尝试开口说些什么
之间的冰山会被打破??
但是我始终不敢踏出第一步........